From: ST102315@brownvm.brown.edu (Jake)
Newsgroups: alt.politics.scorched-earth
Subject: Proposed Position Paper:Right to Die
Date: Wed, 19 Apr 1995 23:45:11 EDT
Message-ID: <3n4l89$aip@cat.cis.Brown.EDU>

Last night, I realized that I had not seen the Scorched Earth Party's
position on the Right to Die.  This realization hit me with all the force
of a properly-applied lead pipe.  The issue is of such obvious
importance to everyone living, or at least dying, in the US today that
I felt justified in jumping forward and offering the following proposed
official positions for the Scorched Earth Party.  Make of them what you
will.

So where do I think we should stand on the issue of the "Right to Die"?
Well, it should be obvious to anyone who has ever watched American
sitcoms that for many, death is not just a right, but a duty!  And
tempting as it is to portion out these deserving deaths ourselves, we
should realize that it's good for the morale of the drones if they're
allowed to excercise their God-given right to self-immolation from
time to time.  So I say we should encourage people to excercise their Right
to Death as much as possible!  In fact, we should make it mandatory that
everyone should be put on life support, just so we can turn it off!
And while I'm at it, we should have attempted suicide be punishable
by the death penalty!

If I have my way, all of the McDonalds in the world will be replaced
by Kevorkian Huts by the third year after Jeff Vogel is elected.

-jwgh
--------------------
"'E's fighting in there!" he stuttered, grabbing the captain's arm.
"All by himself?" said the captain.
"No, with everyone!" shouted Nobby, hopping from one foot to the other.
           (Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!)

From: ST102315@brownvm.brown.edu (Jake)
Newsgroups: alt.politics.scorched-earth
Subject: Sec. of Defense
Date: Thu, 20 Apr 1995 00:00:53 EDT
Message-ID: <3n4m5l$bcs@cat.cis.Brown.EDU>

While I'm at it, I think the wimpy-ass title of Secretary of Defense
should be changed to the more vibrant and throbbing Secretary of
Conquest.

-jwgh
--------------------
It was possibly the most circumspect advance in the history of military
manoeuvres, right down at the bottom end of the scale that things like the
Charge of the Light Brigade are at the top of.
           (Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!)