Path: netcom.com!ix.netcom.com!howland.reston.ans.net!nntp.crl.com!crl5.crl.com!not-for-mail From: bats@crl.com (Curtis Yarvin) Newsgroups: talk.bizarre Subject: Re: quality control report (was: subsidiary) Date: 26 Jul 1995 02:59:53 -0700 Message-ID: <3v53mp$32l@crl5.crl.com> References: In article , C J Silverio wrote: >User mad5c@fulton.seas.Virginia.EDU added to highlight list. >Color chosen: olive. Normally, I do not deign to read this newsgroup. Nay; my time on this Earth goes to feed the gleaming passion of my work (which I cannot discuss, except to say that it is noble, very noble), and its scant leftovers are spent in peaceful contemplation of the Buddha. However, I have just been interrupted by coarse pinpricks of the flesh. My faithful computer, Toto, is dead; or, at least, dormant. My schedule assigns today's spare time to meditation on the life of Avalokitesvara, but the neighbors are playing Selena too loud again, and lo! I am fucked. Therefore, on a curious whim which I cannot explain, I examined the state of the physical world, or, more properly speaking, the bed of foulness and filth that is talk.bizarre. Needless to say, I am horrified. Fortunately, being a man of action, I have taken action. The future concerns us all, because we will all have to live in it; and no future should concern us more than the future of where we live. Therefore, I consider it essential that the standards of talk.bizarre remain ideal. After all, should it cease to exist, we would have to go elsewhere. In the past few hours, I have surveyed all of the individuals currently posting to talk.bizarre, and constructed an Index of Talent, Breeding, and Wit. Because I am an objective authority, this Index should be regarded as absolute. Those concerned with their classification should discuss it directly with me; I will resolve questions of medical ontology, and offer suggestions for personal improvement. Individuals are categorized by colors in an HSV space, whose coordinates correspond to dimensions of personal merit. To reify classifications into a non-numeric form, we have selected the Southwest quadrant of our color wheel, and defined rough color correspondences. Every individual is assigned a single color in the Index. I am currently constructing color registration messages, to be sent to every posting individual with an assigned color. When everyone has been contacted, the entire Index will be posted. In the meantime, you should obey the following guidelines of behavior as per your color: Those designated BONE must refrain from posting messages. As a BONE, unless you feel yourself capable of rapid, drastic improvement, you should remove your future burden on society with a decisive act. You are illiterate; therefore, you are scum. Those designated TAUPE should refrain from posting except in case of emergencies, such as natural disasters and ugly divorces. TAUPE persons are either boring or obnoxious, sometimes both, and rarely worthy of existence in the same plane as we more-exalted folk. Those designated SUNSET PINK may post, as long as they confine themselves to wit and silliness, and do not attempt deep or serious pontification. Also, SUNSET PINK posters may not socialize with BONE individuals, except in physical relationships, where the crudeness of their partners can be occasionally forgiven. Those designated CACTUS may post, as long as they do not feel they have something funny to say, and have no artistic ambitions. Persons in the CACTUS category may not socialize with TAUPE or BONE individuals, and can expect rude comments if they admit to sleeping with such. Those designated SADDLE BROWN may post, but only to display their pretensions in areas such as music, literature, computers, et cetera. It is verboten to socialize with SADDLE BROWN individuals, or to interact with them on any basis but as the target of snickering. Anyone who displays any pretension whatsoever is not human, and must be avoided. Those designated CREOSOTE may only post artistic material, which must be vaguely surreal and derivative. CREOSOTE individuals are designated a Superior Breed, and may only socialize or sleep with each other. If they succumb to the temptation of applying their Tremendous Artistic Talents to a professional course, they are banished and may not return. Those designated DRIFTWOOD may only post chatty correspondence and vaguely self-righteous descriptions of their day-to-day existence. They are permitted to socialize with any category of person, so long as they remain snooty and withdrawn. Please do not take your categorization personally; remember, it has been determined by scientific methodologies. If you behave as is recommended, the future perfection of the universe will be ensured. Thank you for your cooperation. Now excuse me. I have to get back to Avalokitesvara. c